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Saturday, June 26, 2010

Emotionally breakdown.

AT 12:47 PM
This morning. I woke up very early with full of doubts whether my best friend is going to be on time as how he mentioned to me yesterday. No longer best friend cause I guess he hates me so much right now or may be he hates me since decades ago I don't know. I always have that kinda feeling so I actually talked to him very carefully every time I talk to him.

And this morning, he was supposed to come to my house at 8 a.m. And my doubts and questions are all correct, he-is-going-to-be-very-late. I know that would happen but I still keep waiting and believe in myself that he will be here on time. Unfortunately, he didn't. From 7.30 a.m. I get everything well prepared and started to wait and wait and wait and wait until 9.30 a.m. Finally I cannot stand all the craps, and I burst.

You may think this is not a big deal cause most of the human late for everything. And that is one of the thing I hate the most. Rehearsal late. Dating late. Wait for people to finish their works or tests. Wait for people to go toilet. This late and that late.

So, while I was waiting apparently I was not in good mood and I cannot do my own things while I was waiting. And because of his late and it sacrificed my schedule for the entire week and probably I couldn't do well in my mid term test and also cannot finish my draft thesis on time for my supervisor.

Yes, thing that you might think that is only a little tiny things to you but it affects me that much. Because I always want thing to be completed and on the track.

However, due to many reasons people just cannot be punctual. 

He tried to explain to me he slept at 3 a.m. yesterday that is why he overslept this morning. And I wanted to throw my phone away because for me that was an excuse. He could have send me a message and tell me he'll be late or so, so that I won't be waiting blindly at home and send him message never reply and never pick up my phone call.

I know it is not his responsibility to treat me as good as my mother treats me so I didn't say anything to him.

But it is obviously he is now very not happy with my attitude. And I couldn't say anything as it is not his responsibility to treat me good. He didn't owe me anything. So, again I just shut up.

After the long story you have read I believe you know why I do not have much friends in my life.

Because if 1 friend I have to wait for 2 hours. 10 friends I have to wait for 20 hours.

My life isn't about waiting...

Those people are able to be so friend because they are all late person or able to spend their day waiting for their friends and I cannot.

I was very upset when he rejected to come to my house today with the reason that he is going to campus for work. I knew he hates me right now. But I can't do anything cause it isn't his fault. It was me who choose to believe he will be punctual and spent my 2 hours of waiting and another 3 hours to recover from my upsets.

I know that is not a responsibility for him to treat me good.
But it is not a responsibility for me to wait blindly too.

... and now he is able to finish all his to-do-list by today. Yet I'll have to postpone mine to an endless date.

1 beep(s) to KahYee:

Cayenne on Jun 27, 2010, 10:31:00 PM said...

uh oh. pat pat** life (fullstop)
be strong for the upcoming ones. =)

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