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Monday, January 25, 2010

I is not happy.

AT 8:44 PM
I cannot believe it we can only meet for merely one hour per day. And we're so near. No more physical distance problem. In fact all is just a lie. Distance is always a problem. And also, busy.

I don't know. I should have expect that. I mean, ya. No one knows when I am crying. And I am not going to cry. You love me deeply in your heart. I cannot feel it cause it's abstract. This is mainly due to difference courses problem or what I don't know. I saw people doing it well. But not us.

I always PPS so that I can spend my time that I previously reserved for you. I never know meeting you is so hard. I know you did your very best already. May be I am just too greedy to ask for two hours from you. I don't know. Yes I am greedy.

I don't have someone to talk to. I can only keep everything in my own guts and swallow everything like I swallow my tears.

I always thought we should finish our study things during day time. I mean, from 9 to 7 I thought it is enough. But it wasn't. I tried hard to finish my things within the time so that our time is reserved. But, it wasn't. I don't know what to say.

One and half hour for ball and one hour for me. May be I am greedy.

You may ask me to find my friends. But I am staying with my friends for at least 8 hours per day.

At the end, I am still alone.

I is really not happy.


1 beep(s) to KahYee:

Prexus Swyftwynd on Jan 26, 2010, 12:33:00 AM said...

I completely understand what you're going through right now because it has happened to me so many times and I think is probably happening to me right now. The girl I'm with is in University and she has to commit so much time to her friends, clubs and studies that she barely has time for me. It is very hurtful but at the same time, I can only say to myself that she's setting her priorities to finish her studies so that she sets herself on a good path and future.

Finding time for each other, especially when both are involved heavily into school is hard. I am working with a regular schedule so it is much easier for me to arrange my time with her, but because she has to do projects and attend classes at various times throughout the day, it is painful for me to get a hold of her. I don't think we lack "commitment" - it is just one of those life-responsibilities.

You have your friends to talk and to understand you, that is what friends are for, no? They will be with you to make you laugh, smile and give you a hug when you need it most. I know it hurts when it feels like you've done everything in your powers to make things work, I feel that clenching feeling in my heart daily. I turn around and try to put myself in her place where she has to choose "one or the other" and once I view it in her perspective, my mind understands (even though the heart may not).

It is natural to feel greedy, to want someone you care about to always be with you - I can attest to that. I am equally, if not more greedy but always com planing that there is not enough time for me and that other things seem so much more important to her. I get jealous, angry and frustrated - but that does me no good.

Why do you think you are alone? I'm sure you have many friends who are willing to listen to you talk and your blog is a great way for you to express yourself. See, you are smart, taking the first step to let it out, blog about it and rest on it. Our body hurts no one else put ourselves when we are unhappy. Find something to do whenever you feel that unhappy tide rolling in and it will help you deal with it in the meantime. Over time, things will fall into place!

(Huggles)

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