Today, 16th Dec, I waited today for so long. I wished today reach faster until yesterday after I woke up I thought yesterday was today. I mean I thought 15th was 16th. Okay whatever.
Today I woke up, hmm.... Was thinking... Was actually worrying more than thinking. I always think there are a lot of obstacles stop us from meeting each other. Tomorrow, Wed is the first time I bring him to meet my friends. That is going to be my very first time and I do not know how to act myself. Gee. What is that kinda feeling?
Well, yesterday he told me he is coming down by 2pm bus. Just a while ago he told me he is coming with 3.30pm bus well what else I can say other than HAHA!? And here I am going to emphasize again he is not my boyfriend but he is a guy that can really control my emotions and everything (so far la) but there are a lot guy can do that also and most importantly he is not a chinese. Malay Indian Singh ang moh whatsoever you guess yourself if you get it right no prize/award is given out thank you.
Gosh he is not a Chinese really get myself a BIG HUGE head. With my popularity in places I could hardly have my personal private life. As in, I need to hide this and hide that wtf I hate that feeling. How Ar? I do not know yet. I need to make the decision myself and every decision made I have to bear the responsibility. Eventually, my parents will get to know (do not say they won't cause there is my dad's colleague's friend has a friend in UTAR. See? so so so so far also my dad could get someone that know me so easily. what is the point of being famous?) and they will ask this and ask that and my sister esp when she saw this entry of mine I bet she'll definitely mayday mayday to mum. If you see this can you please just keep it for my own sake? I want peace. Questions and doubts from my parents and ya some lame idiot friends (so called friends) are sux esp from parents. I can still make a rational decision okay!!?? I haven't blind yet. Sometimes, I think I am way too rational and caused me standing at the edge of the steep mountain. Argh~ I wanna jump also cannot, step back also cannot. How? Do you know how I feel now? Don't know. Okay fine.
So many pressure is due to one reason which is I care how people look at me. If you ask me not to care, I am sorry I not so siu sha yet cause I still have my family.
One day, if my parents' friends saw them and say "Oh Mr Lim, your daughter have a malay(for example) boyfriend huh!? So we'll need to call her binti next time". How my father will feel? He needs to suffer that because of the decision I made? And even me myself, I dating with a guy that the skin color so much different with me. How will people look at me? I am going to say "Sorry miss this is malaysia, not some other countries that are so open, if you wanna marry a malay you have to convert." ........................................ speechless really. Okay we'll Singapore to register okay? =) crow crow crow....
If is ang moh people will jealous. Why ah? Cause they have much better brain!? Are you sure?? If the partner is Malay or Indian people will like "Yiuk!! Are you serious?"
Ahh craps...
Afterall and all and all and all and all and all, I am still here and what I crapped above is still craps unless huge decision is made. He makes me feel so not safe I do not know why may be is the timing problem. Our bond is so so so so weak I have to say that.
I do not know what to say already.
Bye.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
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6 beep(s) to KahYee:
o.o y la so emo ... haih I oso don know how to comment lah ... but then ... juz go with the flow la ... I know can't do much oso ... like tis kenot like dat oso kenot ...
Dun worry ... U don nid to worry bout us ... we're sporting 1 ... Like u dono us =.="
I've been in your shoes once. As a matter of fact, just last month ago. There was this girl in my workplace.
I have feelings for her and she has feelings for me. The thing standing our way was me. I was worrying so much like you. I thought about every possible situation that would happen and nothing leads to a happy ending.
In the end, I didn't give in to the relationship. I somehow dragged and dragged until one day she left without saying goodbye. I regretted everyday, even until now that I should have go for it instead of worrying so much about what others might think. If only I could turn back time. I miss her.
KLCK: i am so touched..i haven't pack my bag yet.. T.T
Anonymous: so at the mean time you are asking me to following the right feeling is it?
What I'm trying to say is that there are times in life that it's better to be wrong rather than missing out.
Even though there were never going to be a good ending for me, but I would rather suffer with her and make a great story out of it rather than not having a story/chapter of her in my life at all.
Just go for with your heart. Regret only comes for the choices that you didn't make, not the ones that you made.
"kuai le bu shi jiu zhong yau ma?"
am i right?
i bet his a good guy...if not then u'll not be having all these probs d...
since his a good guy...
no harm giving this relationship a try...
Do what your heart tells you girl :)
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