"I think I appear too frequent in front of him until my existence shows nothing special to him. I think I am too pro-active cause I go to his house too often and the consequences are whenever I was there, he will be watching tv, prepare to go out, playing FB games. I told him I am going back cause he cares nothing about me and his reaction is nothing but continue with the FB fish game. He don't even say goodbye to me. I swear by my life, that, I am not going to be so pro-active anymore. All in all, the intention for me to go his house by myself is because I wanna appreciate the time we spend together. But it ended up is to waste the precious time of mine by seeing him playing FB and tv when I was there. I seriously think I am too sticky and dependent on him. This is the time I should be the old kah yee and get me out the hell and every shit things. I feel like I am in slimmy position and I hate it so much. I already back for half an hour and he still don't know my disappearance. I feel like I am even shitter than shit for him. I am always begging myself to see him to spend time with him and I never thought that he may not wanna see me this often. I feel like shit now. I seriously think I see him too often. I should control myself from all these crap. I think I should stop it. He may think he is giving me time to study but that is not the way I want. I just.... I think I spend too much time on him than myself. I started to feel the uncomfort side effects for relationship. I know toleration etc blah crap. Still, I feel like shit and like fell to deep down big ass hole. I seriously think I need to control myself of being so close with him and see him that often. I am going to let him do what he wants without controlling him. I feel like I am stopping him from doing things that he likes and limited him a lot of thing like play games study etc. I feel like I am garbage for him. I feel like I am useless. He told me he needs me and that is the reason I can tolerate until this moment. But it seems like he needs games and study more than me at the mean time. And now I don't know what shit I am talking about. I should stop here and yell and shout to my pillow and cry like no tomorrow. Yes, I should."
Why am I doing so much for a guy that does not appreciate?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
self.conversation.audio-digital.
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6 beep(s) to KahYee:
Cry again and again and again... I wonder do all gals react like this plus rambling bout how bad themselves r when facing situations like u mentioned? Even if u cry till no tomolo the guy wouldn't noe anything bout tat at all coz as u said he is treating u like invisible(bcoz he's concentrating on fb games n tv). If crying does changes his perception towards u den go ahead but according to wat u said, i dun tink so it will. Besides, crying too much nt good 4 health.
lol, your fault for dating a malay?
lord: I didn't cry cause it's useless one kays..
Anonymous: the malay is my friend only kays.
Anyway, dun alwiz so low self-esteem la k?
Kick Kick his "august 15th Moon" like a football...Guling Guling to Ktar then guling guling back to Westlake ^^
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